Finally I chased after her, murmuring all the sweet little endearments pet owners use with their loved ones. I tried to wade into the bramble after her, but wearing Bermuda shorts, flip flops and a tee shirt only got me several cuts, stings, thorns and Lord only knows what else all over my body. There were “leaves of three” all over the place but I had only Pha on my mind. I saw her looking at me several times about 10 yards in, but she was in a phantasmagoria of scents, sights and sounds and wasn’t about to give it up for dear old Dad so quickly.
I tried reverse psychology next, turning my back and telling her I was going home, would be baxk in the morning, and that she should be a good girl wherever she slept. Nada. It was closing in on dusk and she knew it’d be more fun to stay right where she was.
Thus began over a three hour ordeal of trips between the house and the woods, sometimes coaxing her out onto the grass only to watch her turn and leap back in when I got too close, but more often not seeing or hearing her at all. Once, when I just sat in the grass and waited she came out toward me and was within 5 feet, when my parents neighbor, whose house is closest to these woods, opened her window and fairly screamed “Have you tried a can of tunafish? They love that!”. Bang, zoom. At the sound of the her shrieking Pha had bolted. I said with barely contained frustration, “No, she hates tuna, but thanks anyway.”
By now it was twilight and impossible to see into the woods anymore, so I tried the reverse psychology once more and retreated to my parents house to plot a new strategy. I was starting to shift from worry to anger, and had to work hard to control it. I actually got in my car to drive home, stopped opposite the woods and yelled “See Pha? Daddy wasn’t kidding, see you tomorrow.”. Less than half the way home at 9:30 I called my folks and told them I’d be back for the night after I took my nighttime medication.
When I returned there was no miracle waiting for me, but I had planned out a strategy. I moved her litter box outside the back door, and made sure a bowl of water and a bowl of tuna (which she really does hate) were also there. Then I got a powerful flashlight my Dad keeps in the sun room to see if I could pick out some red eyes being reflected at me anywhere near the edge of the woods. I flickered the light around and around in circles, ’cause she likes to chase that at home. There was no immediate response but I kept it up for a few minutes.
Then Security showed up with their own flashlights. Man, could this get any worse? “What’s going on here?” a burly guy asked me from the darkness pierced only by his flashlight shining in the general direction of my face. “Uh, just trying to coax my cat out of the woods here. Man!” (I added in a feeble attempt to not let him rattle me).
“Well, you know all pets are to be kept on a leash here, right?”
“Oh, for sure, but she snuck out.”. (I was starting to feel sweaty).
“She in there?” he asked, stupidly I thought, as he panned his flashlight over to the woods.
“Yeah, I said. “But I’m not going to play Gus the Firefly much longer here. If I can’t get her in about 10 minutes I’m going back inside and wait things out there.”
“Good,” he said. “Can’t have people running around shining flashlights everywhere. Spooks some of the elderly residents.”
“Uh, yeah, thanks, my friend”, I said, hating myself for even saying it. But it got his big frame out of there.
I tried with no success to get even a glimpse of Pha for about five minutes and then walked dejectedly back to my parent’s back door. It was becoming obvious that she was going to spend the night in those woods, and I was going to sleep in a swivel chair with a footstool in the sun room. I started to wonder if this was just a sign of yet another failed relationship with a female because I’d gotten sick too often. (I have a history, too.)
Woodpecker Writes 